Why Letting Go of Desire will Usually Help You Get What you Want

Despite what I want to tell you, I don’t have my binge eating under control.

Quite often it flares up, and I’m left wondering why. Why now?

Why now, at the beginning of 2017, when everything is supposed to be regimented and better?

Why now, when all I see on social media is how good everyone is doing with their New Year’s Resolutions, am I’m sitting here stockpiling my mouth with leftover Christmas candy, telling myself it will be different tomorrow?

Why now, when I’m supposed to be getting better, when I’m so FUCKING SERIOUS about getting better?

It’s like the more I want something, the deeper I obsess over it. When it feels threatened, the monster inside of me rebels. It wants to remind me it’s still here and doing well. It wants to show me who’s boss.

I’ve noticed a pattern.

This Post is Going to Suck

First and foremost, thanks to all my followers for sticking with me thus far. I know I post sporadically, and I’m trying to get myself into a routine.

I’m not sure if that’s going to happen, however, as I’ve been struggling with making regular updates for some time now.

I find myself with a lot of excuses as to why I cannot or should not post a blog:

My ideas are stupid.

I don’t have a drawing that matches this entry.

My ideas are irrelevant; they’re only helpful to me.

I have no time.

I don’t have anything to say. I’ve run out of ideas.

This is only half an idea.

No one will read it.

 What’s the point?

Even as I write this, I feel as if I’m cheating you, squandering your time.

But as selfish as this may sound, I’m making this post for me, and not so much for you.

To show myself that it’s okay to not have an idea, or a great idea, and that the world isn’t going to implode if I commit to a less-than-perfect post.

I’m trying to push past all the negativity in my head.

THIS ISN’T LONG ENOUGH, it’s taunting. THIS DOESN’T’ COUNT AS BEING CREATIVE.

I’m trying not to care. I’m trying not to slow down and critique what I’m saying, I’m trying not to go back and look for spots to edit or rewrite.

I’m trying to look at this post as is and just accept it.

I’ve done some research into why I can’t seem to get myself to do the things that are important to me (writing/being creative daily, being at the forefront).

Most sources would say that my problem is crippling perfectionism, but I’m not sure if that’s accurate.

In any case, I’m striving to allow more imperfection in my life.

In what ways can you invite imperfection into your life today?