Why Letting Go of Desire will Usually Help You Get What you Want

Despite what I want to tell you, I don’t have my binge eating under control.

Quite often it flares up, and I’m left wondering why. Why now?

Why now, at the beginning of 2017, when everything is supposed to be regimented and better?

Why now, when all I see on social media is how good everyone is doing with their New Year’s Resolutions, am I’m sitting here stockpiling my mouth with leftover Christmas candy, telling myself it will be different tomorrow?

Why now, when I’m supposed to be getting better, when I’m so FUCKING SERIOUS about getting better?

It’s like the more I want something, the deeper I obsess over it. When it feels threatened, the monster inside of me rebels. It wants to remind me it’s still here and doing well. It wants to show me who’s boss.

I’ve noticed a pattern.

3 thoughts that have kept me from writing

oh, hey there. this is awkward.

 

It’s been awhile.

6 months, give or take.

I’ve been planning on updating this blog since last June.

I never got around to it, probably because I was paralyzed by these 3 thoughts:

1. I thought I couldn’t be sick or struggling and continue to give people advice.
2. I believe everything I typed up had to be flawless, accompanied with hilarious illustrations to rival those of Gemma Correll or Hyperbole and a Half. 
3. I obsessed about writing, feeling like I absolutely HAD to do or my career would be over and/or I would never be able to write coherent sentence ever again. This makes the process incredibly unenjoyable, and I did whatever I could to try and avoid it.

Well, dear readers (if you’re still out there that is), here’s the honest truth:

I’m still sick. I still struggle, sometimes on a daily basis. I STILL believe the crippling thoughts above, making the idea of continued writing terrifying.

Since I’ve left you, I’ve had to increase my dosage of Prozac. My anxiety has gotten so bad it’s begun to wreak havoc on my digestive system (Hooray ACID REFLUX! Hooray HEART BURN!). I’ve gained weight from binge eating. I’ve lost weight from restricting. I’ve spent days depressed in my bed, legitimately frightened that I would develop bed sores.

But I’m still here. And even though I’m frustrated and uncomfortable, even though I’d rather be checking my Facebook a million times or  fighting with my boyfriend, I’m writing this.

I’m writing not because I’m well or happy, but because some of you have found inspiration or advice in my struggles.

So I’ll keep posting the ideas that help me, or even the one’s that don’t.

Is this Thinking Trap Making You Miserable?

Do you ever take time to congratulate yourself for the small stuff? Do you appreciate the “minor” achievements in your life?

Or do you write yourself off?

Despite losing my job this week, I’ve been making some progress towards some personal goals.

I’ve been writing daily, and drawing daily.

I’ve mapped out a bunch of places I can apply to instead of wallowing in self-pity.

I forgave myself for stress-eating.

These are all victories.

These are ALL things I wasn’t capable of doing this time last year.

Yet, I find myself brushing them off.

Oh, so what I mapped out a plan for employment. That’s what adults do.

Yeah, I filled a notebook with sketches. But I still don’t know graphic design, so does it even matter?

How You Think Can Harm You

In psychology, this type of defeatist thinking is known as “discounting the positive”.

People who fall victim to this cognitive trap often find themselves discrediting everything and anything, no matter how small or great the achievement.

Nothing is ever good enough.

Living in your mind starts to resemble time-spent time with an apathetic, snarky teenager.

If things come easy, they don’t matter.

If things don’t come easy, they still don’t matter, because they should come easy.

The problem with thinking like this is that it will constantly make you feel inadequate and unrewarded.

It will turn you into a perfectionist or you will start to avoid life. Either you will forever chase an unattainable goal, or you will lose hope and resort to idleness.

nothing but a downward spiral awaits you if you do not break this cycle of thinking.

Start to feel happier by breaking your habit of “discounting the positive” :

1. Start to become aware of when you discount your achievements. It’s hard to break a habit if you do not know when it occurs.
2. Allow yourself to feel joy over the simplest victories and pleasures. Keep a gratitude list with you, and review it often. Start today. Make a list of 10 things you did today that were awesome. If you’re struggling to think of 10, I challenge you to come up with 20. The more you can find to celebrate, the better.
3. If feeling good just because is too difficult for you, give yourself some justification as to why you SHOULD feel good instead of why you shouldn’t.

For instance, if you normally say something like this to yourself:

“I finished my assignment today, but it doesn’t matter because Mary finished her’s two weeks ago.”

Try something like the following that does not involve other people:

“I finished my assignment today, and that’s awesome because this morning I didn’t feel like doing it at all.”

Or maybe you sound more like this:

“I didn’t binge today, but who cares. I wasn’t stressed out so it’s no big deal.”

 “I stuck to my meal plan today, but normal people do that.”

So try:

“I didn’t binge today. That’s a huge improvement. I used to binge

“I could have done nothing today, but I decided to stick with my meal plan. Yay me!”